Need for utopia…
Why are we constantly in search of “utopia.” Is it due to our need to simplify what we see and experience so that we are not at war, psychologically, with ourselves? Is it because we are too lazy, intellectually, to stay up at night thinking about questions that don’t have an immediate black-and-white answer?
There are selfish people everywhere. There are people who abuse situations and others everywhere. So, is it fair to look at two different places or cultures to compare the quantity or extent of abuse or selfishness? Or is this one of those flawed things that we been taught while growing up: that something is always better than the other and this “betterness” can be rated in numerical figures?
Every country is blessed with those who can look out for the place; we don’t need to be saviors in foreign countries. But what about wanting to help because those locals who are blessed with those abilities aren’t respecting their responsibilities? And how do you find the balance between providing timely support and giving others the time to realize that they need to take action in order for a situation to get better over time.
If we have to make sacrifices, might as well make them for those somewhat deserve it. How do you decide who “qualifies” for these personal sacrifices? Just because somebody doesn’t constantly express or imply that they are indebted to you, does that mean they don’t deserve these sacrifices?
Super Glue
So, the shoes here die very quickly. Besides the fact that I walk lots and that it rains here a lot, I am also a miser by nature. So I usually go for the cheapest shoe or slipper and then get surprised when the life length for these $2 or $3 shows is shorter than 2 months! :P
But at one point I went against everything I believed in and bought a shoe worth $20… it lasted my 4 months! I was bent on getting more value out of my $20 so decided to try my luck fixing the sandles using super glue.
Now, I buy a super tiny bottle of super glue from the closest Chinese store and sit down outside my house, since I didn’t want to risk ruining any of landlord’s stuff. So, I’m sitting outside and try pouring some glue on the inside of my shoe. The bottle is turned completely upside-down but still nothing comes out. I think, oh no, maybe the shopkeeper cheated me or gave me something else. So, in a moment of brilliance, I decide that the best way to check if there’s something inside this bottle is to bring it SUPER close to my nose and eyes and then blow as strongly as I can. That’s just what I did.
It was a Friday evening when I was trying to fix my shoe. All of Saturday, Sunday and Monday I was trying to get frosted super glue off my face, specifically off my lips. It was painful but not as deathly-frightening as when I first realized I couldn’t open my eyes because some of the super glue powder went and settled on my eye lashes.
Moral of the story is: Kids, do not use super glue, no matter how cheap you might be. But more importantly, under no circumstances, try to check the contents of the bottle by blowing inside it! :P
Log – March
- thurs, mar 1 -- Second french class. Finally i have some idea what the teacher is saying, even though I'm still getting 50% of my exercises wrong and still need to do major background work before I can succesfully claim that I am no longer Beginner-3, but instead, Intermediate-1. Will that day *ever* come? But second resolve: I want to try and do an exchagne trip to France or Montreal, or, try to get an international-development placement to a french-speaking country like Nomea. That way, I can pick up on French the way I quickly picked up on Bislama here in Vanuatu. Retention shouldn't be a problem after if I can manage to find a decent-paying job that requires the candidate to be bilingual.
- fri, mar 2 -- invited girls over from work to come have dinner because felt bad that the last time they were over, I had to ask them to leave as we were invited to nics party. sat around and had fruit, than i cooked daal+rice+eggs. As always, I was scared of adding too much salt and ended up adding not enough. after, we sat around for a bit more and they left around 7ish or 8ish but not before asking me for bus fare as "they forgot to carry the money." Made me feel weird: are they trying to rip me off? Or am I just being too materialistic?
- sat, mar 3 -- woke up early and went over to dana's house to help her move/pack/etc. came back after and slept a little bit more. after, around 12:30 was stepping out of the house to go grab coffee since I didnt wanna sit at home alone the entire day but just as I was stepping out, Anna Nalao, from Tanna, came over at the gate. She was there with her husband and one grand-kid. Let them in and they stayed until 5ish. I only had .75 kg rice and that wasn't enough, so they ate rice + daal + eggs and myself and dana ate only eggs and daal... felt horrible about it because every time we go over to their house, they are SUPER hospitable but I couldn’t offer them even enough to eat! after, they left I came back and read an entire book within that evening. The book was by Japenese author and even the writing style says lots about the difference between culture, lifestyle and mode/code of communication.
- sun, mar 4 -- jamila, from mele, was over with her two sons and a new convert (who entered islam just the week before) and came over to select a new "muslim" name for her. There were a few super-nice names but the girl selected jaasmin (same as yasmin). There were a fwe others I liked but didn't want to push my selection onto her. After we thought they would have a really hard time finding a bus back due to the riots going on in blacksands but succesfully caught a bus back home. After, came home again and just went to bed @ 8 thinking I'd wake up after and do osmething more, but slept on until 6:30 the next monring!!! got annoyed when people would ooh-and-aah at things, thinking "oh they are just materialistic things" but then got this really horrible feeling of possessivness when I realized that the new muslim girl had used more than :just a few sprays" of the very expensive perfume my aunt gave me as a gift before I left Canada. Again, just shows how hypocritical I was being in terms of ideology and action/feeling. muslim lady said something about talking to the ladies and running sesions about different topics such as ghussal and so on, and to not be afraid of wearing a hijab in public and so on. Felt so overwhelmed: of all the practicing people allah could choose for dawah/naseehah/etc, he chooses me. How can I possibly give naseehah when I often slip in those very things that she wants me to talk about, e.g. cleanliness, missing fajr/isha prayers more often than not, not waering my hijab "right" (i.e. not covering neck) because it's too hot, eating non-halal meat, swearing once in a while, etc.
- mon, mar 5 -- were invited to pango by anna to come over for a swim. But it was raining like crazy until 11 and then I was being too wimpy as I didnt wanna go all the way to pango incase things got a bit tense/violent/etc. So, instead, ended up spending the entire day @ danas new place, "room with a view", where tried to get started on my research paper (but in vain) and talked for the rest of the day or created a music cd for my song out of dana's song collection. watched "murder she wrote" which is a great show but looks very cliche / cheezy in today's day and age. Just realized today that I'm half-way through my quran-translation-reading-goal!!
- tues, mar 6 – worked till 7 pm i.e. until sunset and stopped only when it was not safe to stay at work anymore. Dana did a thank you dinner for becs and myself for helping her move; don’t know if I deserved it since becs and dana did most of the work while I sat around and pretended to work but good food. She made crab cakes, and turns out it’s just kababs (not the seekh kababs, the flat, round ones)
- wed, mar 7 –- see calendar
- thurs, mar 8 -- see calendar
- fri, mar 9 -- see calendar
- sat, mar 10 -- see calendar
- sun, mar 11 -- see calendar
- mon, mar 12 -- see calendar
- tues, mar 13 -- see calendar
- wed, mar 14 -- see calendar
- thurs, mar 15 -- see calendar
- fri, mar 16 -- see calendar
- sat, mar 17 -- see calendar
- sun, mar 18 -- see calendar
- mon, mar 19 –- brain went into vegetative mode; can’t remember what I did
- tues, mar 20 -- brain went into vegetative mode; can’t remember what I did
- wed, mar 21 -- brain went into vegetative mode; can’t remember what I did
- thurs, mar 22 -- brain went into vegetative mode; can’t remember what I did
- fri, march 23 -- Was supposed to go on a girls night out with roma from USP. But, Dana wanted to do dinner and since it was her birthday, ended up cancelling my girls night with Roma. Instead, took her out for pizza @ Chills. She didn't eat much since she was going with Paul after so promised her a second-half of birthday celebration some other time.
- sat, march 24 -- house-looking @ zeinabs. After, mele girls came over around 1 pm. Stayed around at home until maghrib time, at which point we decided to take a walk to town and stayed in the park until 8:30 pm.
- sun, march 25 -- mele girls still over. dana wanted to go to honey moon beach so I took the three girls visiting to go over with me. I paid for their bus fare (both ways) and Dana paid for their entrance at the beach. After, came home and those girls slept over a second night. They left on Monday morning when I had to go to work.
- mon, March 26 -- Took Dana out for her second-half-of-birthday-treat. Went out for coffee @ the French place and had coffee and cake. She got me a pink-miniskirt! :P
- tues, March 27 -- Drumming class. Last time I had drumming class, I brilliantly forgot to take the price tag off the dinner I took for Tim, the drumming teacher. Felt super horrible and was half-expecting him to tell me to get out of the class. But, he didn't say anything and I felt even worse about the entire deal. Either way, seems like my learning curve in terms of drumming skill is actually regressing! What I seemed to have grasped in the first one or two classes, I have now completely forgotten and Tim has to start a much-more-basic level of stuff than ever before. How I pity music teachers! :P
- wed, March 28 -- Cyclone day!!! This was supposed to be my day off, but instead, ended up rushing for the first half of the day since I had brilliantly forgotten to cancel my air ticket back to Canada. Did I mention I was supposed to fly back on March 29?! I was very much expecting them to tell me that it was no longer possible to cancel the ticket. But, I go into the travel agent's office and she does the whole cancelling the ticket, giving me new dates AND giving me extended time on each of my 2 stopovers, all without even a frown! Now that's what I call customer service man. Either way, came back home and the rest of the day, rather than doing what all other volunteers must have been doing (i.e. sleeping) I ended up working on never-ending funding proposals for VNCW and Shefa Province. You know when they say "brain dead." Well, let me tell you, I think I experienced the death of the death of the death of my brain! :P I have officially sworn to myself to *never* take a Fundraising-related job, no matter how desperate of a financial condition I am in. *NEVER* lol
- thurs, March 29 -- French class. So, today, we were learning how to describe ourselves in French. The teacher asked us to write a small description about ourseves in French. Then, he would put read it out loud to the entire class and the rest of the students would have to guess who wrote it. Sounds fun and simple enough! Or so I thought. The basic two things everybody was starting with was their eye and hair color. So, I wrote the following:
French: J'ai lex yeux bruns et tu ne regarde pas les cheveux (j'ai les cheveux bruns).
English: I have brown eyes and you can not see my hair (I have black hair).
Really, this was the only way I could figure out how to describe a hijab (head scarf), especially keeping in mind my almost-non-existent french vocabulary. I didn't think much of it. But, I guess it must have been wrong since my French teacher ended up laughing for a good 2 minutes. It was so bad that everytime he tried to start talking, he would launch into giggles like a 5-year-old and was absolutely unable to stop himself. So yes, I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I said in french that was so hilarious to him. French lesson of the month: "boucles d'yeux" does not mean eyebrow peircing.. it means "EYE ring"!. I also wrote my first hand-written letter in the past 7 years. Might I say, it's a *VERY* weird feeling. I've gotten so addicted to computer-communication that when I proof-read my letter to my parents, it simply sounded like an email that was copied from a computer screen on to a paper. Ahh! What to say about this slavery to technology!
Btw, did I mention and I met this really really interesting woman who's volunteering at VNCW for only 5 weeks, in her attempt to ensure that the organization doesn't go down-under for ever. She told me that I'm a "light saver" and will be at the forefrunt of the peace movement. Let's hope there is some truth somewhere in her prediction. But yes, in case you're interested in finding out more about her, check out the following: www.lindaespeaks.com
- fri, March 30 – see calendar
- sat, march 31 – see calendar
