Vanuatu

Thank You

"Ya Allah! Thank you for not only allowing the luxury to dream, but also, the almost impossible opportunity to see *all* those dreams fulfilled and turned into reality. Thank you for keeping me aware of when my reality is something I had dreamt of earlier, and thank you for always giving me other things to dream for I would be lost in this life without having something to dream for and strive for.

Ya Allah! Forgive me for the uncountable moments of lack of gratitude, for the unthinkable times when it's easier for my to wallow in self-pity than look at what I'm doing wrong. Forgive me for not remaining in a constant state of gratitude and thankfulness to you, and allow me the ability to get as close to this state of "eternal satisfaction" as is humanly possible."

Ever had one of those "Eureka" sort of moments where you realize that everything you have *ever* dreamed of or wished of, God (if you believe in one) has granted you that every-something without fail! And you realize that everything in the world is just plain perfect for that one moment. You realize that this sense of "everything is alright" will not stay, that you will get caught up in this minor glitches of life that don't deserve as much attention as you afford to them. But instead of worrying about how to make this feeling of "eternal satisfaction" or "eternal gratitude" last forever, in my opinion the better thing to do is to live that moment at the fullest (whatever that might mean and/or entail of).

I had one of those moments today, while walking back from a "High Tea" party this evening. Truly, this entire experience has been nothing short of amazing.. in fact, amazing is an understatement. Perfect is more like it. Even at times when it gets oh-so-lonely, it only means that I'm able to truly appreciate how long an hour is, or how long a day *really* is. To realize that; to realize that there are these small droplets that we readily waste away; to realize that these droplets can be used here and there to work on long-awaited self-improvement projects; to realize how much family truly means to us; to realize that our life goals and dream jobs aren't exactly as "dreamy" as we had anticipated or imagined; to realize that no matter what you dream of, when that dream turns to reality, it is less glamorous, less perfect and more "real" with a lot of those minor details that we don't, and possibly can't, daydream about; lastly, to realize that all those realizations are only possible when your not surrounded by those who you love or who you can freely interact with.

So, more of an ode to those who are struggling to get to their dreams: enjoy the process of getting there, because the end is only worth the struggle put in to get to it. Also, a note of reminder for myself; when I'm getting cranky and impatient with the most minor of life obstacles, that things are always "perfect"; one just needs to keep refocusing their lens as they move, one just needs to keep changing the definition of "perfect" along the way.

I also realized that while I still have issues with the power structure and how those in privelege don't realize the unconscious power they have over others, I also realize that a lot of times my rants come from my lack of social ability or more so, my preference to not risk revealing oneself to those one doesn't know *yet*. So, as one of my other posts mention, I fully and readily accept the charge that I use my boogey man as a scapegoat; as a way to avoid taking blame where it truly is deserved i.e. with myself. That said, I still have to figure out a way to do away with the need of a boogey man in the quest to live life.

Note: I've been told that my blog has been a bit "intense" (aka hateful?) so I thought I'd share this moment with everybody else, along with the other moments of not-so-much fun times here in the South Pacific. Hopefully this puts things in perspective not only for myself but for others as well.

posted by faa-T @ 10:44 AM